I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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