New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
