I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
