but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
