it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
