So drunk its hurt
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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