True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize