please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
