So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you win again, gameday.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
