fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
