Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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