We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
