Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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