This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
