i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
