guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
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