help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
