It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
