we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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