i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
