So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
