he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
