it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
it glows. i had to have it.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
