Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
