my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
