a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
