dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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