I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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