I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
