So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
