Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
