Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize