My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
