Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
