i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
