Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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