Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
