I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
