He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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