I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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