Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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