It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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