You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize