Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
