Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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