went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sorry about my life...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
