We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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