Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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