dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
