I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize