trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
