hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We got so high we made milksteak
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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