Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
COCAINE IS GR8
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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