i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
