I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
