I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
