yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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