I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
