How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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