Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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