the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
