Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
