Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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