I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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