I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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