I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
