So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
