I just saw a hot homeless man
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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