I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
