ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
